Sunday, September 15, 2013
MeccaMusing: Tired of Me - Part II - Preparation for The Cruci...
MeccaMusing: Tired of Me - Part II - Preparation for The Cruci...: Have your read Part I? Good Evening - I have had a wonderful weekend with the Lord, Frank, and dear friends. It is interesting how much k...
Tired of Me - Part II - Preparation for The Crucible!
Have your read Part I?
Good Evening - I have had a wonderful weekend with the Lord, Frank, and dear friends. It is interesting how much keener my senses are - all of them - when I am sincerely waiting on the Lord, seeking all of Him and none of me. His presence makes all things new, right? Every experience, even the smallest, has more meaning.
Over a year ago, I was invited to be part of a group of leaders that would work together for a year, meeting at an initial 2-day retreat under the tutelage of a wonderful Christian/business leader. I was grateful for the opportunity to work with pastors, principals, coaches, teachers, and business leaders as we grew together, honing our "people" skills and for some of us gaining a deeper understanding of the leadership style of Jesus. We culminated our year of learning with a Leadership Conference in May of this year that was truly life-changing - or in my case, the beginning of a change.
During this year-long process, our mentor said that some of us would be facing a crucible in our lives as God continued to "perfect that work which He had begun" in us. (Phil 1:6)
Crucible: "A vessel used for melting and calcining materials at high temperatures; a severe test, a test of patience or belief, a trial; a place, time or situation characterized by the confluence of powerful intellectual, social economic orpolitical spiritual forces that require a decision." Spiritual fits the application to my life better than political, so I changed it. Pardon the poetic license.
He was talking to me. If it is possible to experience a crucible with elements of all definitions, I have done so. I have walked through the fire like Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, (I don't believe the fire is quenched just yet.) and on the days when I did it with the attitude of all of Him and none of me, I experienced what Job did when he said, “Though He may slay me, yet will I hope in Him” (Job 13:15). It really makes the outcome not important, but gives the process of worshipping the Lord through the "high temperatures of refinement" a worthwhile, learning experience.
Notice, I didn't say an enjoyable experience. I would like to say I enjoy the "crucible" of fire, but I don't. I glory in what God is doing in my life, but my flesh writhes in pain, and the "me" in me "slings that tail to and fro" a bit all my by myself without any help from the devil. On those days, "ME" cries, "Why hast thou forsaken me?" Oh, the arrogance and sacrilege of such a question to the Lord.
I am also in the midst of a trial. Our pastor spoke this morning on testing and trial and how God uses these in our lives to "perfect that work He has begun in us." God is good to continue to minister directly to me through people in my life. He brings spiritual sustenance to me exactly when I need it and in such powerful, direct ways that it's impossible not to recognize that He is the source.
I am also being severely tested in a way that requires a daily decision on my part to specifically honor the Lord by honoring commitments whether or not I like it. Ooh, ooh, ooh. That is the worst. You talk about getting to the nitty gritty of "me."
One morning as I was driving to work, I was pleading with the Lord to help me endure. My prayer went something like this, "Lord, I've tried everything. I'm miserable. I'm at my wit's end. I don't know if I can do this anymore. You have to give me the strength and some answers."
Now, THIS, is what I love about my Heavenly Daddy, the Savior of my soul. It is the way He chooses to deal with me - right where I am, not where I should be, but where I am. At that moment, He brought to mind a scene in one of my favorite movies, Anna and the King. That movie is full of powerful life's lessons. One particular event was especially powerful for me. God knew it and brought it to my remembrance.
The King of Siam invited an English school teacher to come and teach English and the ways of the world to all of his 67 children (He was a very busy king). The teacher had a son the same age as the King's eldest son - probably about 10. During class, they started scuffling over some inappropriate comments the King's son had made about the teacher's son's deceased father. The English school teacher told the boys to write 1,000 times, "I will respect my classmates." Her son completed his task. The king's son stood with arms crossed in defiance at the blackboard late into the evening. The teacher excused her son when he finished and sat quietly reading and waiting for the King's son to finish his assignment.
Suddenly, servants began arriving with food. The teacher immediately reacted saying that the King's son had not completed his assignment and....she was interrupted with a message from the King. "The King thought the school teacher would get hungry waiting for his son to complete his task, so he sent food for one." The prince's face dropped. So did the arms of defiance, and he began writing his sentences. After he completed his task, there is a scene where the teacher is lovingly chatting and sharing her food with the prince.
The prince said, "why does my father put me in a subordinate position to an English teacher?" To which she replied, "because your father loves you very much, and he believes I am what is best for you right now."
Remember my desperate prayer, "Lord, I've tried everything. I'm miserable. I'm at my wit's end. I don't know if I can do this anymore. You have to give me the strength and some answers." To which He said, "I am your Father, and I love you very much. This is what is best for you right now. Do you trust me or not?"
I wept at His gentleness, clarity and His deep care for me that He would personalize the answer so perfectly for me.
Through this crucible that still continues in my life, He has sent people I didn't personally know before to uphold me in ways I didn't know I would need. He also sent a friend to whom I hadn't spoken since May that would call me in the middle of a particularly "hot day in the oven" saying that the Lord had laid me on her heart and given her a verse for encouragement for me. It would be exactly what I needed. There are too many to recount.
I want to close Part II with some verses that the Lord has brought to life for me through this crucible.
Isaiah 25:1 "Oh Lord, you are my God. I will praise and exalt your name; for in perfect faithfulness you have done marvelous things, things planned long ago." You see, my heavenly Daddy knew He was going to allow this trial and testing, and he began preparing me for it over a year ago through a strong mentor that became an Ezekiel to my life, preparing my heart and mind. He doesn't want me to fail.
Psalm 139:5-6 "You have hedged me behind and before, And laid Your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; It is high, I cannot attain it." The God of the Universe is my shield, my rock, my fortress. He hasn't put a hedge around me, He IS the hedge. What can anyone do to me that He doesn't allow and prepare me to endure? Please read all of Psalm 139. It will make you shout.
I realize this is lengthy. I have a Part III to share with you. So, the saga continues. Stay tuned for Tired of Me - Part III - The Victorious and Continuous work of the Holy Spirit.
I worship as I read the words to this glorious old hymn. It blesses my soul, brightens my day, and makes the darkness light. Love you all, Mecca
Jesus I am resting, resting
In the Joy of what Thou art;
I am finding out the greatness
Of Thy loving heart.
Thou hast bid me gaze upon Thee,
And Thy beauty fills my soul,
For by Thy transforming power
Thou hast made me whole.
Good Evening - I have had a wonderful weekend with the Lord, Frank, and dear friends. It is interesting how much keener my senses are - all of them - when I am sincerely waiting on the Lord, seeking all of Him and none of me. His presence makes all things new, right? Every experience, even the smallest, has more meaning.
Over a year ago, I was invited to be part of a group of leaders that would work together for a year, meeting at an initial 2-day retreat under the tutelage of a wonderful Christian/business leader. I was grateful for the opportunity to work with pastors, principals, coaches, teachers, and business leaders as we grew together, honing our "people" skills and for some of us gaining a deeper understanding of the leadership style of Jesus. We culminated our year of learning with a Leadership Conference in May of this year that was truly life-changing - or in my case, the beginning of a change.
During this year-long process, our mentor said that some of us would be facing a crucible in our lives as God continued to "perfect that work which He had begun" in us. (Phil 1:6)
Crucible: "A vessel used for melting and calcining materials at high temperatures; a severe test, a test of patience or belief, a trial; a place, time or situation characterized by the confluence of powerful intellectual, social economic or
He was talking to me. If it is possible to experience a crucible with elements of all definitions, I have done so. I have walked through the fire like Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, (I don't believe the fire is quenched just yet.) and on the days when I did it with the attitude of all of Him and none of me, I experienced what Job did when he said, “Though He may slay me, yet will I hope in Him” (Job 13:15). It really makes the outcome not important, but gives the process of worshipping the Lord through the "high temperatures of refinement" a worthwhile, learning experience.
Notice, I didn't say an enjoyable experience. I would like to say I enjoy the "crucible" of fire, but I don't. I glory in what God is doing in my life, but my flesh writhes in pain, and the "me" in me "slings that tail to and fro" a bit all my by myself without any help from the devil. On those days, "ME" cries, "Why hast thou forsaken me?" Oh, the arrogance and sacrilege of such a question to the Lord.
I am also in the midst of a trial. Our pastor spoke this morning on testing and trial and how God uses these in our lives to "perfect that work He has begun in us." God is good to continue to minister directly to me through people in my life. He brings spiritual sustenance to me exactly when I need it and in such powerful, direct ways that it's impossible not to recognize that He is the source.
I am also being severely tested in a way that requires a daily decision on my part to specifically honor the Lord by honoring commitments whether or not I like it. Ooh, ooh, ooh. That is the worst. You talk about getting to the nitty gritty of "me."
One morning as I was driving to work, I was pleading with the Lord to help me endure. My prayer went something like this, "Lord, I've tried everything. I'm miserable. I'm at my wit's end. I don't know if I can do this anymore. You have to give me the strength and some answers."
Now, THIS, is what I love about my Heavenly Daddy, the Savior of my soul. It is the way He chooses to deal with me - right where I am, not where I should be, but where I am. At that moment, He brought to mind a scene in one of my favorite movies, Anna and the King. That movie is full of powerful life's lessons. One particular event was especially powerful for me. God knew it and brought it to my remembrance.
The King of Siam invited an English school teacher to come and teach English and the ways of the world to all of his 67 children (He was a very busy king). The teacher had a son the same age as the King's eldest son - probably about 10. During class, they started scuffling over some inappropriate comments the King's son had made about the teacher's son's deceased father. The English school teacher told the boys to write 1,000 times, "I will respect my classmates." Her son completed his task. The king's son stood with arms crossed in defiance at the blackboard late into the evening. The teacher excused her son when he finished and sat quietly reading and waiting for the King's son to finish his assignment.
Suddenly, servants began arriving with food. The teacher immediately reacted saying that the King's son had not completed his assignment and....she was interrupted with a message from the King. "The King thought the school teacher would get hungry waiting for his son to complete his task, so he sent food for one." The prince's face dropped. So did the arms of defiance, and he began writing his sentences. After he completed his task, there is a scene where the teacher is lovingly chatting and sharing her food with the prince.
The prince said, "why does my father put me in a subordinate position to an English teacher?" To which she replied, "because your father loves you very much, and he believes I am what is best for you right now."
Remember my desperate prayer, "Lord, I've tried everything. I'm miserable. I'm at my wit's end. I don't know if I can do this anymore. You have to give me the strength and some answers." To which He said, "I am your Father, and I love you very much. This is what is best for you right now. Do you trust me or not?"
I wept at His gentleness, clarity and His deep care for me that He would personalize the answer so perfectly for me.
Through this crucible that still continues in my life, He has sent people I didn't personally know before to uphold me in ways I didn't know I would need. He also sent a friend to whom I hadn't spoken since May that would call me in the middle of a particularly "hot day in the oven" saying that the Lord had laid me on her heart and given her a verse for encouragement for me. It would be exactly what I needed. There are too many to recount.
I want to close Part II with some verses that the Lord has brought to life for me through this crucible.
Isaiah 25:1 "Oh Lord, you are my God. I will praise and exalt your name; for in perfect faithfulness you have done marvelous things, things planned long ago." You see, my heavenly Daddy knew He was going to allow this trial and testing, and he began preparing me for it over a year ago through a strong mentor that became an Ezekiel to my life, preparing my heart and mind. He doesn't want me to fail.
Psalm 139:5-6 "You have hedged me behind and before, And laid Your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; It is high, I cannot attain it." The God of the Universe is my shield, my rock, my fortress. He hasn't put a hedge around me, He IS the hedge. What can anyone do to me that He doesn't allow and prepare me to endure? Please read all of Psalm 139. It will make you shout.
I realize this is lengthy. I have a Part III to share with you. So, the saga continues. Stay tuned for Tired of Me - Part III - The Victorious and Continuous work of the Holy Spirit.
I worship as I read the words to this glorious old hymn. It blesses my soul, brightens my day, and makes the darkness light. Love you all, Mecca
Jesus I am resting, resting
In the Joy of what Thou art;
I am finding out the greatness
Of Thy loving heart.
Thou hast bid me gaze upon Thee,
And Thy beauty fills my soul,
For by Thy transforming power
Thou hast made me whole.
Friday, September 13, 2013
MeccaMusing: Tired of ME - Part I
MeccaMusing: Tired of ME - Part I: Good Evening - I have been trying to decide how to start my first blog since May. I was going to say that I was so tired from "preachi...
Tired of ME - Part I
Good Evening - I have been trying to decide how to start my first blog since May. I was going to say that I was so tired from "preaching" that I needed a sabbatical. I thought that would be witty. Then I was going to say that I had taken a long nap, but ole' Rip would be insulted.
I guess the best thing to do is to tell the truth. God has been doing an extraordinary work in my life - at my request, and I truly have not had the freedom to write until now.
I don't know if any of you have ever reached the point when you are just sick of yourself. I did. I was struggling in so many areas of my life, but no one knew. I was too proud to admit it. "The pride in my heart had deceived me. I had lived in the clefts of the rocks and made my home on the heights and asked myself who could bring me down?" Obadiah 1:3 Really, I thought if God be for ME, then just who in the world could be against ME? (said with slight sarcasm and upward tilt of the voice on "ME.")
I was the elder son in the story of the Prodigal Son. I looked right, acted right and said all of the right things (well, at least I "thought" I did); but in reality, my rags were much filthier than I ever imagined. As I begged God for answers to unanswered questions, in His steadfast lovingkindness to me (whom He calls precious in His sight), He answered, "seek ME and My kingdom first, Mec, and all of these things will be added unto you." Matt. 6:33
I guess the best thing to do is to tell the truth. God has been doing an extraordinary work in my life - at my request, and I truly have not had the freedom to write until now.
I don't know if any of you have ever reached the point when you are just sick of yourself. I did. I was struggling in so many areas of my life, but no one knew. I was too proud to admit it. "The pride in my heart had deceived me. I had lived in the clefts of the rocks and made my home on the heights and asked myself who could bring me down?" Obadiah 1:3 Really, I thought if God be for ME, then just who in the world could be against ME? (said with slight sarcasm and upward tilt of the voice on "ME.")
I was the elder son in the story of the Prodigal Son. I looked right, acted right and said all of the right things (well, at least I "thought" I did); but in reality, my rags were much filthier than I ever imagined. As I begged God for answers to unanswered questions, in His steadfast lovingkindness to me (whom He calls precious in His sight), He answered, "seek ME and My kingdom first, Mec, and all of these things will be added unto you." Matt. 6:33
The simplicity of that command (promise) and the complexity of being obedient to that command presents the greatest conundrum in the world for me. Does it for you? Am I the only one? Do any of you struggle with seeking Him first? Most often I seek what He can do for me, but not Him. Do you? I ask because misery loves company; and I guarantee you, I needed company.
As my Heavenly Daddy's words burned into my heart, I lay face-down on the floor, hands stretched out in front of me. I realize that sounds dramatic; but the truth is my knees are getting old, and it hurt to kneel. Whether I knelt or lay prostrate, I was humbling myself in His presence.
Now, stop with me for a minute and think about that. As the child of "I Am," I have permission to be in His presence at anytime, and He promises not just joy but "fullness of joy." I realize I didn't have to assume any particular physical posture to approach my Heavenly Daddy, but it was symbolic of the desire I had for a "humble heart."
The words I spoke out of my repentant, beleaguered heart, and into the heart of my God, made Satan shutter, hiss, and sling that tail of his to and fro, and began a series of events that changed life. Any idea what those words might have been? There were 17 of them.
"Lord Jesus, I am asking for all of You, and none of me, no matter the cost."
Two things happened immediately. First, there was a powerful sense of peace and release; and second, Satan and all of his minions began slithering and hissing these words to my heart. "What is God going to do to me?" Satan said (I hate him). "What if He takes everything away from me?" Satan said. ( I still hate him). He didn't stop for what seemed like an eternity. To my shame, after lying prostrate on the floor and pouring my heart out to the Savior of my soul, I actually listened to Satan. The disobedient children of Israel don't have anything on me. Neither does Peter who denied Him nor Thomas who doubted Him.
In spite of me, My sweet Jesus, in all of His glory, humility, patience and love for me, said in a loving whisper that drowned out the voices of Hell, "Fear not for I am with thee; be not dismayed for I am thy God; I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness." Is 41:10. "For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans for good and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11.
After every discouraging, evil thought Satan hissed into my heart, Jesus would pull me closer and whisper another promise. That's what He does. He never fails to do it in spite of me.
I have much more to tell you all, but I don't want to make this too long this evening. Will you read again tomorrow? I will share with you what the Lord Jesus has shown me, the tenderness with which He has dealt with me, and the extraordinary results of genuinely desiring to follow after the great heart of God. Makes me think of the words to that old hymn:
"There is a place of quiet rest, near to the heart of God.
A place where sin cannot molest, near to the heart of God.
Oh Jesus, blest Redeemer, sent from the heart of God.
Hold us who wait before thee, near to the heart of God."
It's nighttime here in Atlanta. I am resting and breathing to the beat of the heart of God. That is the very best way I know to describe "fullness of joy." Sleep sweet. Love to you all, dear ones. Mecca
Stay tuned for Part II.
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